“Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” — Mufasa, The Lion King Somehow this reminds me of the fact that bravery is also internal and that emotional vulnerability is oftentimes synonymous with courage. I’m not sure why, but that’s the connection my brain made. What I mean is that we don’t always seekContinue reading

You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?

I’ve often described my moods as “precarious.” I am forever teetering on the edge. I am always as the word is defined: likely to fall or collapse, not securely held in position, dangerous. One wrong thought, one random situational annoyance, one person who treats me unkindly…and I may very well be pushed off the ledgeContinue reading “You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?”

Unified Contradictions

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” —Walt Whitman, poet The acknowledgement is certainly true; when you dive into the core of what makes me who I am, you will find more facets than an expertly cut gemstone, each one vast and expansive, so it isContinue reading “Unified Contradictions”

Normal: a conundrum

Right now, you see normal as the space in between. The beautiful space wedged between its very opposites, a space lit by its own bright-as-the-sun shine. You sometimes have to divide time into fractions over and over again to be able to label a given interval as normal, to find a period not marked withContinue reading “Normal: a conundrum”

Sometimes it’s necessary

Ripped apart, undone, torn at the seams. The pieces of yourself untethered from each other, no longer bound as one. They float from your grasp. The last bit of mental strength is the only bandaid you have at your disposal. If only you possessed the energy to stick it on before it’s all too farContinue reading “Sometimes it’s necessary”

I was MIA after a major episode about a month ago, but I’m back at it, yay!

It was as intense and as terrible as ever…but it passed and I’m still here. I used the time right after things calmed down to really think about how to better deal with it all next time (because as of right now, I’m still anxious about the very-real probably-inevitable next time).  I make myself aContinue reading “I was MIA after a major episode about a month ago, but I’m back at it, yay!”

“Isn’t it inevitable?” I cried out for the billionth time that day, or maybe it was night, I wasn’t sure because the two were blending together, bleeding into one another in a mess of insomnia and pain and fits of tormented anguish that seemed to never end. “It’s going to happen eventually.  I have noContinue reading

Graphic opening sentence, but tell me if you get what I’m trying to say here!

If I blew my skull open, splattered my brain onto the blank wall behind me, let it drip down into pools that echoed my former consciousness, I wonder what it would look like. I bet there would be glitter there. From the excitement I hold inside of me and from the goodness in my depths.Continue reading “Graphic opening sentence, but tell me if you get what I’m trying to say here!”

Writing in the third person might actually be a useful tool for me

Writing in the third person obviously removes the writer from the situation, to some extent.  So I tried journaling that way, which was interesting.  The simple fact is that it turns what “I” do into what “she” does.  It isn’t happening to ME if I write about myself as a character in a story I’mContinue reading “Writing in the third person might actually be a useful tool for me”

The Incredible Hulk: what my favorite superhero taught me about myself (& other lessons)

In my high school, once you got to eleventh or twelfth grade, certain students were eligible to take part in something called Project Adventure instead of going through with the regular phys ed curriculum.  Mr. Dooley was the teacher and he was cool. He tried his hardest to empower each of the few students whoContinue reading “The Incredible Hulk: what my favorite superhero taught me about myself (& other lessons)”