rainy mondays are for baggy sweatshirts, lots of coffee, and sea shanties/ pirate music playing through my noise cancelling headphones on repeat…while I try to write and actually be productive

yesterday wasn’t TOO unproductive, to be honest. I had a pretty big spurt of energy in the morning where I cleaned as much as I could in as little time as possible. I did the laundry, put things away, wiped the surfaces down, etc. it doesn’t look phenomenal in this apartment, but it’s more livable, and that’s what I was going for in the moment.

I was trying to do this whole SUNDAY RESET ROUTINE thing

and by that, I mean getting everything set up and organized for the coming week so that I don’t feel like a total shitshow for another seven days.

I like routines. I like the idea of them, and I really like when I stick with them. I was suuuuuper good at my morning routine right out of the psych hospital/right when quarantine started. it was helpful to have that structure, those set things I needed/wanted to do (and actually did). that fell off quite a bit, as could have been expected. and I’m not beating myself up about it. but it’s like, you get fed up, ya know? with the chaos? and you just wanna say “enough is enough” and fix everything right then and there.

the chaos typically doesn’t go anywhere, if I’m being honest. mostly because it’s internal (for me, at least!) haha, but it improves my internal state if I get shit done.

which is a huge reason why I neeeeeed my ADHD meds, and why I need to continue looking up and learning about the delicate relationship between bipolar disorder and ADHD, but I don’t wanna get into that now

[read my article on Libero Magazine about my experience with that, if you want]

usually when I feel like the chaos is gonna make me explode, I do a certain number of things in a certain order…

  • make my environment immediately more inviting: open a window, light a candle, spray some lavender
  • set a timer for ten minutes. make sure the alarm/song for when the timer goes off is fun.
  • clean like hell really quickly but try to get as much done as possible, spread as widely as possible (like, don’t organize inside the dresser drawers bc that has a narrow scope; instead, clean a little in the bedroom, a little in the living room, a little in the kitchen)
  • freshen up (because it’s hot after cleaning): wash face, brush teeth, put moisturizer on, etc
  • journal? read? social media catch-up? whatever, just unwind in a way that doesn’t bring all that momentum to a complete dead stop, because that only makes it feel shitty again

today I actually have some more important shit to do than just cleaning and organizing.

I have to work on some of my volunteer work, which should be fun, but it might require a lot of my brain.

and I have to do stuff for my class. work on all the tests I need to finish by november. and I also wanna like…gather my thoughts on the whole thing. really get my opinions and ideas together. I wanna talk about it with my therapist next week.

therapy today was awesome, as always ❤ I was in a mopey mood this morning (as I have been for like two weeks…possibly because of the steroids, possibly because I’m heading for a full-blown episode…not sure, and not sure I want to dwell on it) but anyway, she always knows how to distract me and get me out of it. get me talking and being like, MYSELF (my talkative, excitable self) and I love her for that reason (and many others).

^^ that was two days ago, a fun reminder from one of my mood tracking apps

[today I broke the “meh” streak, by the way!]

okay I’m gonna stop procrastinating and get to work. this has been fun, this update featuring the pointless pictures I take and save and have ✌

have a lovely monday, bloggerrssssss!!

I’m finding plans/routines really helpful during this (I’m sure I’ve said that before)

1:45pm || It’s been a good day, I guess. I woke up early like normal, did my whole morning routine and made coffee and started my day. I’ve been utilizing technology as best as I can during this craziness. I mean, being isolated is certainly not my favorite thing, but keeping myself accountable is helpful. I use that Flora app for when I write, I meditate with the Calm app for a little while every day. I always use Daylio and eMoods to track my bipolar-type stuff, but I’ve been trying to use emotion words to describe my moods too (there’s a list in the Notes app on my phone). I downloaded Longwalks as a journal, which is fun, and this morning I downloaded one called Halohah (does anyone use either of those?). I went for a walk. I’m gonna go for another one soon because I wanna get a cup of coffee at like 711 or something, I’m just craving that type of coffee, it happens sometimes. I video called with my sister and the baby. Then with my mom. It’s nice to be able to see them even over long distances! I wrote the first page of an article due soon, and it made me happy and feel productive. I had both breakfast and lunch one right after the other lol, but I’m not freaking out about my weight or eating habits in general because fuck the fucking disordered thoughts telling me to care. I’m better than that. Not saying it’s bad to struggle with an ED, but I’ve been back and forth and back again, and I know which direction I have to choose. I am, however, going to do a YouTube workout, just because that actually improves my mood. Being at least a tiny bit active also helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Once I’m done writing my article I’m gonna read for a while, because I have sooooo much I wanna read: my BP magazine and Mindful magazine (both of which I subscribe to and have apps on my phone/iPad for), Celebrations magazine (the Disney one!), the Disney Food Blog Guide pdf my sister just bought for me, a few articles on research digest, and I wanna finally finish some of the books I started a while ago. I’m obviously not gonna finish all that reading in one day, but I have the time to read so I might as well use it (while simultaneously not pressuring myself to get too much done, because I feel like putting pressure on ourselves during this whole thing is counterproductive). And then I’m gonna journal and write for myself.

One hour to getting my shit together (a quick reset)

Sooooo I’m feeling kind of off and pretty overwhelmed. I still have sleep to catch up on (thanks to bipolar-related insomnia and being super busy the last few days) and my boyfriend and I are definitely fighting colds or something. I’m home now, and I wanna reset my brainnnnn so I can focusssss and feel betterrr. And a big part of that is getting my surroundings in order. And then relaxing once it all feels less cluttered.

Ignore what is kind of a random list of nonsense that needs to get done, but I’m really feeling like checking it all off is gonna help me.

Because like, apparently clutter is linked to higher levels or cortisol (steroid hormone that’s a part of the body’s stress response), especially in women. Not to mention that on a personal level, I need what’s around me to be as NOT messy as possible because what’s inside me is messy enough. And honestly, I LIKE things clean.

I’ve been feeling a THING coming on, an impending MOOD EPISODE, and I’m in that phase where I’m kiiiind of just wishing it comes now and does it’s terrible, torturous thing, and then leaves and then it’s done and over with. But I’m also attempting to summon the strength and willpower to keep it at bay for as long as I possibly can.

My point is that I’m gonna do the following things and then hope I feel less overwhelmed afterwards.

TO DO:

  1. Light a candle, spray some lavender, throw open a window, and tell myself I’m about to kick the shit out of the next 60 minutes.
  2. Put on ska Pandora radio and turn up the volume.
  3. Put the clean dishes away and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
  4. Fold laundry that’s been in the dryer for almost a week and put it in the drawers. Then throw in another load.
  5. Sweep the floors.
  6. Time to STOP and get on the floor and stretch the tension out of my body,
  7. Take all the supplements I’m supposed to take, aaaand vitamin C since I feel a cold coming on.
  8. Drink as much water as I possibly can.
  9. Wash my face because I’ll most likely be hot and need to cool down.
  10. Take a book or notebook outside and sit in the fresh air reading or writing.
  11. Make a to-do list. Get the things knocking around in my head out onto paper so I can stop worrying about them.

 

And from thereon out I’ll be able to do as this picture I took today says, and focus on one thing at a time…

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