– therapy homework –

We’re all born a relatively blank canvas. As our lives progress, we experience emotions that begin to color who we are. Now, it’s probably different for everybody; colors and what they represent to each individual can be very personal. But I was immediately colored pink with the effusive love of my family. I was coloredContinue reading “– therapy homework –”

revisiting & reflecting

In March 2019, which feels like yesterday but also a billion years ago, I wrote about how I often found myself getting mad when unfair shit happened, or when people were just cruel (as people so often –too often—are). It was something that a therapy session made me delve deeper into, and I clearly rememberContinue reading “revisiting & reflecting”

Sundays are for gettin’ shit done

I don’t think I got anything done yesterday (besides some online Christmas shopping!), but today was better in that regard. And in lots of other regards. I woke up around 8, took my meds, recorded my mood info on my apps, got dressed and ready for the day, got my coffee. Typical. But I checkedContinue reading “Sundays are for gettin’ shit done”

like flashes of lightning

I really have to work on dealing with those moments I get knifed in the stomach with random but intense anxiety. They usually come when I let my guard down. Or as I’ve been saying a lot lately, when I’m not “frantically trying to distract myself.” It’s weird. It’s terrible and scary, but the wholeContinue reading “like flashes of lightning”

Find a safe space

You’re having a panic attack, struggling to see straight, calm your racing thoughts, slow your pounding heart, and breathe. You tell yourself you’re okay. You aren’t in actual, physical danger. But something triggered your alarm system, which sent a message to your amygdala, which made all this shit happen in your body in order toContinue reading “Find a safe space”

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

Thoughts become things, so choose them wisely: a platitude that I’m finding particularly relevant lately

Coping Kit

Standing in my own way (?)

She wanted me to know that she wasn’t frustrated with me, that lots of people who see her have some type of roadblock (usually maladaptive behaviors, or repeatedly putting themselves in bad situations) that stop them from being the best version of themselves or the most mentally stable they can be.  But like, she explainedContinue reading “Standing in my own way (?)”

Bipolar and the senses

So last year, or maybe it was two years ago, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, laptop propped up against a pillow, listening to Duel of the Fates from the Star Wars prequels on repeat. I remember it rather vividly. I’d had a huge mental breakdown the night before, where my then best friendContinue reading “Bipolar and the senses”