✴ totally random apps that have helped me survive quarantine ✴

I’m so bored. Still. But there’s a lot to be thankful for. Still. And I’m trying to take note of it all. Which should be helpful during this chaotic period in our lives, right? Gotta try to look on the bright side, and since I’m able to, there’s no reason for me not to actuallyContinue reading “✴ totally random apps that have helped me survive quarantine ✴”

this round: a summary

I’m hesitant to say this round is over. I won’t say that just yet. The remnants of unbearable fear are still with me, the trauma is still too recent. Like, fuck. It was (I’ll use the past tense there) like 15 or so days of just. Well, if you’ve read my shit before you knowContinue reading “this round: a summary”

again

I am completely exhausted. Insomnia has finally given way to excessive sleeping, or maybe it’s just because I’ve been taking multiple doses of multiple sleep aids every night, starting at five, just to become unconscious. I don’t want to have to think. Although I say that as if thinking is an active process at thisContinue reading “again”

Find a safe space

You’re having a panic attack, struggling to see straight, calm your racing thoughts, slow your pounding heart, and breathe. You tell yourself you’re okay. You aren’t in actual, physical danger. But something triggered your alarm system, which sent a message to your amygdala, which made all this shit happen in your body in order toContinue reading “Find a safe space”

Waking up like “how long will it take for the weight of the day ahead to smash me into a bad mood,” and spending time to counteract life’s crap

woke up feeling shitty and anxious and mopey spent lots of time wondering why i felt that way and thinking about confusing shit about how i have to constantly readjust my moods and how i’m literally just unsure of how to do that at this point taking my adhd meds helped because now i canContinue reading “Waking up like “how long will it take for the weight of the day ahead to smash me into a bad mood,” and spending time to counteract life’s crap”

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

It was dark. The only light in the room was coming off the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was 4:02am by way of a dull blue glow. It was too fucking early. And too fucking dark. And cold. Fuck the cold. Insomnia ravaged her. Again. The grunting snores of her boyfriend, fastContinue reading

People will criticize your dreams, Layer doubt and uncertainty on your consciousness Because they don’t understand The intensity and ferocity of your fire, With its red passion, Aggressively orange desire, And burning yellow optimism, Your fire, your eternal, internal warmth, With its propensity to spread, to expand. They’ll approach the ladder you’re steadily climbing AndContinue reading

Happy things 💙

Random acts of kindness 💕 Cloud watching ☁️ Giving something my all💯 Stories about princesses 🏰👑 Selfies when I’m feeling myself 🤳🏻 Coffee ☕️ Meeting up with friends 👭 Getting stronger 🏋🏼‍♀️ (physically or emotionally)❗️ Proving my resilience ⬇️🆙 Beer with friends after a long week 🗓🍻 Going on a trip ✈️ Pretty bows 🎀Continue reading “Happy things 💙”

The Cutting Thing

February 2008: I was home alone, able to relax and not worry about judgmental comments about my eating habits for a few days. It was going to be a welcomed respite. But when the deadlines drew nearer and the clock hands spun too quickly around their center, the all-too-familiar panic began to rise like floodwaters.Continue reading “The Cutting Thing”