again

I am completely exhausted. Insomnia has finally given way to excessive sleeping, or maybe it’s just because I’ve been taking multiple doses of multiple sleep aids every night, starting at five, just to become unconscious. I don’t want to have to think. Although I say that as if thinking is an active process at thisContinue reading “again”

It was dark. The only light in the room was coming off the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was 4:02am by way of a dull blue glow. It was too fucking early. And too fucking dark. And cold. Fuck the cold. Insomnia ravaged her. Again. The grunting snores of her boyfriend, fastContinue reading

How to know it’s coming on again (short version)

No matter what song I put on, it doesn’t feel right No matter where I go, it doesn’t feel homey or safe or okay So much dread The fact that I have to get through a whole day (and subsequently a whole night) feels like I have to scale a mountain “Life hurts” I’m overwhelmedContinue reading “How to know it’s coming on again (short version)”

Visiting Insanity

Lately, my brain and my meds have been in the middle of an intense tug-of-war game.  They’re battling it out to see if I’m gonna inch closer to crazy and then fall off the edge, or continue for a few more months on stable, solid ground. So I whipped out some old writing (I wasContinue reading “Visiting Insanity”

“We’re only given one spark of madness.”

I have this hooded denim vest that I stick all my pins and patches on. It’s fun to wear because it’s fun and colorful, and overall just an outward expression of who I am, how I feel in the inside. My favorite pin on there, as of lately, is an orange one with a RobinContinue reading ““We’re only given one spark of madness.””

How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:

I think it’s obvious to anyone reading this that I have a natural affinity for words. Finding vocabulary that fits certain feelings I want to convey, finding phrases and linking them with other phrases that capture the essence of a particular topic, grouping sentences that are applicable to certain experiences together with one another…I fuckingContinue reading “How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:”

Still some fight in me

My car has always been a sort of limbo; I wait here, time passing. I am not patient but still content to stay here listening to classical music (some of which I remember playing, years ago) that reminds me I have a past that was full of pain and torment but also of music andContinue reading “Still some fight in me”

Memes and emotionally significant but potentially bullshit Instagram posts are (apparently) gonna get me through today… one step at a time, I guess?

I’m trying here. Still. Still trying. I’ve heard it said that “it’s okay if all you did today was survive.” Well, I’d love to be productive, but I make no promises, sadly. I don’t even know of anything I can even do that would fall under the category of productive. Whatever. I’m sitting at aContinue reading “Memes and emotionally significant but potentially bullshit Instagram posts are (apparently) gonna get me through today… one step at a time, I guess?”