Some T H O U G H T S:

My moods was stable as fuck and consistent for a good three days and today I’m just blahhhh, which I guess is normal, but it’s annoying. I’m unmotivated and uncertain and unfocused. I somehow turned a cozy and relaxing day into a waste. I do so much mood tracking and I’m so careful with howContinue reading “Some T H O U G H T S:”

𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐚π₯ 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐀 𝐨𝐫 π¬π¨

Or perhaps there’s a better word than “emotional.” It’s been a period full of quiet mornings and peaceful cups of coffee drank on my front steps as the world wakes up. It’s been a week of reading a good book, of existing in the realm of social media (mainly on tumblr, this week), and tryingContinue reading “𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐚π₯ 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐀 𝐨𝐫 π¬π¨”

Happy things to appreciate πŸ’™ (updates!)

Random acts of kindness πŸ’• Cloud watching ☁️ Giving something my allπŸ’― The tippytap of my dog’s paws as he comes to me when I call him 🐾❣️ Family!! πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘§ Fairytales about princesses and castles πŸ°πŸ‘‘ Classic Disney movies Β°OΒ° πŸ“Ό Waking up without an alarm ⏰ πŸŒ… Selfies when I’m really feeling myself 🀳🏻Continue reading “Happy things to appreciate πŸ’™ (updates!)”

It was dark. The only light in the room was coming off the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was 4:02am by way of a dull blue glow. It was too fucking early. And too fucking dark. And cold. Fuck the cold. Insomnia ravaged her. Again. The grunting snores of her boyfriend, fastContinue reading

Morning Routines: why I (try to) stick to mine and how (I think) it helps with the bipolar thing

I’ve been watching YouTube videos a lot lately.Β  A habit that started out by me using it as background noise (I’d literally search β€œDisney World area loop music” and just listen to it while working and pretend I’m at the parks, ahhhh).Β  And then I discovered guided meditations and positive affirmations and all that. TheContinue reading “Morning Routines: why I (try to) stick to mine and how (I think) it helps with the bipolar thing”

I spoke too soon with this one, buuuutttt, I guess when my brain calms down after this round, the sentiment of this essay will be true again

They say β€œmaking a mountain out of a molehill” is expanding what is, in reality, a tiny insignificant issue into something monumental and dramatic.Β  An overreaction. An over-exaggeration. A histrionic response to something that doesn’t warrant such theatrical feedback. I’m known for this. A spilled cup of coffee is The End Of The World.Β  SpillContinue reading “I spoke too soon with this one, buuuutttt, I guess when my brain calms down after this round, the sentiment of this essay will be true again”

We don’t have curtains on our windows, which is probably dumb for a few reasons, but the upside is that I get to wake up in harmony with the entire stretch of world that exists on the other side of the glass. Sometimes that means there’s a gradual lightening of everything outside that is echoedContinue reading

My life is strongly and intensely magnetic

I am a magnet.Β  Of two specific poles: the highs and lows, the ups and downs. Β  Both are in disagreement. It is one or the other, but the one and the other are related, connected.Β  They oppose each other. But since magnets produce fields as well as respond to them, so do my highsContinue reading “My life is strongly and intensely magnetic”

Bipolar and the senses

So last year, or maybe it was two years ago, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, laptop propped up against a pillow, listening to Duel of the Fates from the Star Wars prequels on repeat. I remember it rather vividly. I’d had a huge mental breakdown the night before, where my then best friendContinue reading “Bipolar and the senses”

The Cutting Thing

February 2008: I was home alone, able to relax and not worry about judgmental comments about my eating habits for a few days. It was going to be a welcomed respite. But when the deadlines drew nearer and the clock hands spun too quickly around their center, the all-too-familiar panic began to rise like floodwaters.Continue reading “The Cutting Thing”