End of my rope, what now?

Here we go again. I barely had the chance to catch my breath but here we fucking go again. It came on quickly, and for no reason, and now I’m trapped in the cage that is my existence with nothing to do but pathetically wait for it to leave me alone…hopefully it eventually will. RageContinue reading “End of my rope, what now?”

What Brings Me Down vs What Fills Me Up

I am 20 years old. I am walking around Stony Brook University, meandering through the buildings, wandering aimlessly across the expansive campus in the pouring rain. I’m drenched from my hair in its high ponytail right down to my purple plaid converse sneakers, but I keep walking. I could be in class; I should beContinue reading “What Brings Me Down vs What Fills Me Up”

“Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” — Mufasa, The Lion King Somehow this reminds me of the fact that bravery is also internal and that emotional vulnerability is oftentimes synonymous with courage. I’m not sure why, but that’s the connection my brain made. What I mean is that we don’t always seekContinue reading

You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?

I’ve often described my moods as “precarious.” I am forever teetering on the edge. I am always as the word is defined: likely to fall or collapse, not securely held in position, dangerous. One wrong thought, one random situational annoyance, one person who treats me unkindly…and I may very well be pushed off the ledgeContinue reading “You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?”

“Isn’t it inevitable?” I cried out for the billionth time that day, or maybe it was night, I wasn’t sure because the two were blending together, bleeding into one another in a mess of insomnia and pain and fits of tormented anguish that seemed to never end. “It’s going to happen eventually.  I have noContinue reading

Bipolar Progression: A Retelling of My Moods

I dunno what to call this thing. That isn’t my favorite name up there, but whatever haha, you’ll get the point. It’s about how it all progressed, so I guess the name, although boring, works. I didn’t really title it to begin with, so whatever. This is the first real WRITING that I showed myContinue reading “Bipolar Progression: A Retelling of My Moods”