this round: a summary

I’m hesitant to say this round is over. I won’t say that just yet. The remnants of unbearable fear are still with me, the trauma is still too recent. Like, fuck. It was (I’ll use the past tense there) like 15 or so days of just. Well, if you’ve read my shit before you knowContinue reading “this round: a summary”

It was dark. The only light in the room was coming off the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was 4:02am by way of a dull blue glow. It was too fucking early. And too fucking dark. And cold. Fuck the cold. Insomnia ravaged her. Again. The grunting snores of her boyfriend, fastContinue reading

Bipolar and the senses

So last year, or maybe it was two years ago, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, laptop propped up against a pillow, listening to Duel of the Fates from the Star Wars prequels on repeat. I remember it rather vividly. I’d had a huge mental breakdown the night before, where my then best friendContinue reading “Bipolar and the senses”

How to know it’s coming on again (short version)

No matter what song I put on, it doesn’t feel right No matter where I go, it doesn’t feel homey or safe or okay So much dread The fact that I have to get through a whole day (and subsequently a whole night) feels like I have to scale a mountain “Life hurts” I’m overwhelmedContinue reading “How to know it’s coming on again (short version)”

Visiting Insanity

Lately, my brain and my meds have been in the middle of an intense tug-of-war game.  They’re battling it out to see if I’m gonna inch closer to crazy and then fall off the edge, or continue for a few more months on stable, solid ground. So I whipped out some old writing (I wasContinue reading “Visiting Insanity”

Manic

“Do you remember When you were young And you wanted to Set the world on fire” These lyrics hit me square in the stomach whenever my music shuffles to this song.  I remember so vividly listening to these words on last year’s hot summer days, filled to the brim with hot-blooded passion.  I was nothingContinue reading “Manic”

“We’re only given one spark of madness.”

I have this hooded denim vest that I stick all my pins and patches on. It’s fun to wear because it’s fun and colorful, and overall just an outward expression of who I am, how I feel in the inside. My favorite pin on there, as of lately, is an orange one with a RobinContinue reading ““We’re only given one spark of madness.””

How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:

I think it’s obvious to anyone reading this that I have a natural affinity for words. Finding vocabulary that fits certain feelings I want to convey, finding phrases and linking them with other phrases that capture the essence of a particular topic, grouping sentences that are applicable to certain experiences together with one another…I fuckingContinue reading “How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:”

Still some fight in me

My car has always been a sort of limbo; I wait here, time passing. I am not patient but still content to stay here listening to classical music (some of which I remember playing, years ago) that reminds me I have a past that was full of pain and torment but also of music andContinue reading “Still some fight in me”

A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…

She woke before seven, excitement abundant, still groggy but ready to thrive. She sprang out of bed (or did something like that); it was morning and she was alive! With a handful of pills and a few sips of water, she began with a plea to stay stable. Then came washing and dressing, while countingContinue reading “A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…”