Monday 3.22.21

❝It comes in waves. Which is nothing new. It just feels surprising at the moment. How quickly we forget our suffering (or maybe it’s just me; I don’t mean to speak for others). Though I guess it’s good to forget the pain and anxiety and depression. The internal chaos. The (rarely understood) tortured indecision paralysis. The explosive angerContinue reading “Monday 3.22.21”

Some THOUGHTS for today 1.21.21

✨ I thought I bought the no sugar added yogurt but I didn’t. And it’s not a big deal because I’ve had it three mornings in a row and I’m still alive & all. But it annoys me. Hashtag eating disorder problems. ✨ my mom asked me to help her take my grandpa to hisContinue reading “Some THOUGHTS for today 1.21.21”

in-between

I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood or not. I feel shitty. Mopey. But not depressed. The super fucking confusing to me. And upsetting. But it’s manageable. But it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it isn’t paralyzing me. Why is existing still something I have to feel guilty about? I’m confused.Continue reading “in-between”

Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️

Wallowing in feelings of defeat won’t accomplish anything! Time to “change the script” as my therapist would say Affirmations: I’m okay, I got this, I have the situation under control I’m worthy and valuable regardless of my mental state People love and respect me I am smart and creative and I have good ideas IContinue reading “Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️”

I was totally on the path towards an 𝖊𝖕𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖉𝖊 but I think I somehow managed to avoid it ✨

First of all, I’m not in pain anymore. It might be the MEGA DOSE of vitamin D every week working for me or maybe the steroids calming down whatever inflammation was there or perhaps both. But I’m eternally thankful to not be in constant discomfort. And more than that, I’m thankful to only have oneContinue reading “I was totally on the path towards an 𝖊𝖕𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖉𝖊 but I think I somehow managed to avoid it ✨”

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise ✨

6:23 Waiting for the sun to rise, I have been for three hours already Wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, my grandma’s old brown leather jacket, boots of the same color, my other grandma’s locket (it matters because I’m comfortable and cozy, feeling cute and calm, and because I’m patiently awaiting the morning’s official invitationContinue reading “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise ✨”

So for the class I’m taking, we have to share our narratives. Our stories, our struggles, our hopes.

We talked this morning about how powerful it is to be vulnerable and how it’s sometimes difficult. I felt a bit disconnected from the conversation because I’m usually able to be vulnerable very easily. At least with other people. I’m good at relating to other people. I’m an open book, I know that I’m worthyContinue reading “So for the class I’m taking, we have to share our narratives. Our stories, our struggles, our hopes.”

Three months.

It’s been three months since the psychiatric hospital. And it usually happens every three months. “It” being me losing my fucking mind. I feel it coming, just like I always do. I mean, I can handle it better now. I haven’t screamed, thrown myself into a wall, cut myself. But I’m too irritable to focus.Continue reading “Three months.”

Track Your Shit

Originally posted on lose your mind with me:
I sat on the couch in my psychiatrist’s office with my arms crossed and steam billowing out of my ears. “Are you on cocaine?” he asked without a hint of sarcasm.  “No,” I shot back, completely bewildered but appropriately defensive. “Then you’re bipolar.” Yup. That was how…