medicated, still bipolar, what now

I’m having a hard time focusing. I’m anxious and stressed out over it. Feeling yucky. Off. Like somethings wrong but I can’t figure out what. The result is irritability and frustration. It’s overall just a dull version of what I’ve been feeling for the better half of my life (bipolar depression). But I have toContinue reading “medicated, still bipolar, what now”

My brain has not been cooperating with me lately

I mean, I’m making it work ✨ I just can’t focus, though. And it affects my mood which is super fucking annoying. I don’t know if I said but due to utter stupidity I didn’t have my antipsychotic for a while and I’m preeeettty sure that’s still affecting me. Ugh. But I’m surviving. I’ve beenContinue reading “My brain has not been cooperating with me lately”

World Bipolar Day!

Bipolars! We have a day, apparently! And it’s today! I feel like I might have known that. But I definitely forgot. And this is certainly the first Bipolar Day where I haven’t been fucking out of my mindddd. My google photo memories actually just reminded of me last year’s major depression (the second out ofContinue reading “World Bipolar Day!”

This Morning vs Last Week …guess where I like working better!

  I miss my little man so much. I didn’t actually write a lot while I was down there (I definitely prioritized my nephew over my writing, and I’m glad I did!), but I’m so glad I got to spend time with him, and with my sister and brother-in-law. It was amazing. In lots ofContinue reading “This Morning vs Last Week …guess where I like working better!”

this round: a summary

I’m hesitant to say this round is over. I won’t say that just yet. The remnants of unbearable fear are still with me, the trauma is still too recent. Like, fuck. It was (I’ll use the past tense there) like 15 or so days of just. Well, if you’ve read my shit before you knowContinue reading “this round: a summary”

Find a safe space

You’re having a panic attack, struggling to see straight, calm your racing thoughts, slow your pounding heart, and breathe. You tell yourself you’re okay. You aren’t in actual, physical danger. But something triggered your alarm system, which sent a message to your amygdala, which made all this shit happen in your body in order toContinue reading “Find a safe space”

Happy things to appreciate 💙 (updates!)

Random acts of kindness 💕 Cloud watching ☁️ Giving something my all💯 The tippytap of my dog’s paws as he comes to me when I call him 🐾❣️ Family!! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 Fairytales about princesses and castles 🏰👑 Classic Disney movies °O° 📼 Waking up without an alarm ⏰ 🌅 Selfies when I’m really feeling myself 🤳🏻Continue reading “Happy things to appreciate 💙 (updates!)”

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

It was dark. The only light in the room was coming off the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was 4:02am by way of a dull blue glow. It was too fucking early. And too fucking dark. And cold. Fuck the cold. Insomnia ravaged her. Again. The grunting snores of her boyfriend, fastContinue reading

Life: starts going too well, suspiciously well Brain: hey, know what would be fun? a little throwback to the raging anorexia of your youth Me: *is an idiot* Brain, in too deep for comfort all of a sudden: fuck Body: fuck Everyone around me: fuck …so the moral of the story, people, is that evenContinue reading