You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?

I’ve often described my moods as “precarious.” I am forever teetering on the edge. I am always as the word is defined: likely to fall or collapse, not securely held in position, dangerous. One wrong thought, one random situational annoyance, one person who treats me unkindly…and I may very well be pushed off the ledgeContinue reading “You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?”

Normal: a conundrum

Right now, you see normal as the space in between. The beautiful space wedged between its very opposites, a space lit by its own bright-as-the-sun shine. You sometimes have to divide time into fractions over and over again to be able to label a given interval as normal, to find a period not marked withContinue reading “Normal: a conundrum”

Music changes your brain chemistry

Shuffle Ska-punk music erupts like fire around me from the speakers in my car.  Loud and energetic, it burns through the remnants of negativity as I drive.  I sing along with the lyrics, not having to concentrate on them because the words and their meanings have been etched on my heart for a while now.Continue reading “Music changes your brain chemistry”

“Isn’t it inevitable?” I cried out for the billionth time that day, or maybe it was night, I wasn’t sure because the two were blending together, bleeding into one another in a mess of insomnia and pain and fits of tormented anguish that seemed to never end. “It’s going to happen eventually.  I have noContinue reading

Graphic opening sentence, but tell me if you get what I’m trying to say here!

If I blew my skull open, splattered my brain onto the blank wall behind me, let it drip down into pools that echoed my former consciousness, I wonder what it would look like. I bet there would be glitter there. From the excitement I hold inside of me and from the goodness in my depths.Continue reading “Graphic opening sentence, but tell me if you get what I’m trying to say here!”

Bipolar Progression: A Retelling of My Moods

I dunno what to call this thing. That isn’t my favorite name up there, but whatever haha, you’ll get the point. It’s about how it all progressed, so I guess the name, although boring, works. I didn’t really title it to begin with, so whatever. This is the first real WRITING that I showed myContinue reading “Bipolar Progression: A Retelling of My Moods”

What makes me MAD (and why I strive to be an “Emotional Robin Hood”)

I’ve been planning this post since yesterday morning, since I was sitting in my therapist’s office talking about work and getting angry and then talking about whatever other stuff and getting angry.  My therapist pointed out what types of things seemed to be making me feel that way, that fiercely passionate way.  We talked aboutContinue reading “What makes me MAD (and why I strive to be an “Emotional Robin Hood”)”

Starting at the beginning, I guess?

My first major mental health thing (aside from feeling vaguely “off” and emotionally “different” at the age of ten or eleven) was the eating disorder I developed in high school. That disorder was a tremendously strong force in my life for like, a reaaaallly long time. It was my disappearing act, resulting from crippling depression andContinue reading “Starting at the beginning, I guess?”

Snowy Saturdays mean coffee and writing (especially when I’m off from work)

Good morning, internet! I slept late today (which for me is until like 7:30) and woke up to snow. It’s a gray day, which makes the snow seem far less pretty and exciting. I mean, I don’t loveeee snow to begin with; I hate being cold, I have no tolerance for it. But when itContinue reading “Snowy Saturdays mean coffee and writing (especially when I’m off from work)”