Monday 3.22.21

❝It comes in waves. Which is nothing new. It just feels surprising at the moment. How quickly we forget our suffering (or maybe it’s just me; I don’t mean to speak for others). Though I guess it’s good to forget the pain and anxiety and depression. The internal chaos. The (rarely understood) tortured indecision paralysis. The explosive angerContinue reading “Monday 3.22.21”

I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.

That’s such a sign of internalized capitalism, thinking how much I get done is tied to my worthiness. And if you’ve been following along with my journey this week, you might recall me feeling like I’m not worthy of existing and not being in pain. Yeah, fucked up, huh. But that aside, I’m happy thatContinue reading “I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

in-between

I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood or not. I feel shitty. Mopey. But not depressed. The super fucking confusing to me. And upsetting. But it’s manageable. But it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it isn’t paralyzing me. Why is existing still something I have to feel guilty about? I’m confused.Continue reading “in-between”

medicated, still bipolar, what now

I’m having a hard time focusing. I’m anxious and stressed out over it. Feeling yucky. Off. Like somethings wrong but I can’t figure out what. The result is irritability and frustration. It’s overall just a dull version of what I’ve been feeling for the better half of my life (bipolar depression). But I have toContinue reading “medicated, still bipolar, what now”

Resolutions: Why I’m on the Fence

We’re going to be hearing quite a lot about New Year’s resolutions in the coming weeks, and I’m personally preparing for it to stress me out and potentially impact my mental health. I have no problem with resolutions in general. There’s nothing wrong with, and there’s even value in, looking ahead to the future andContinue reading “Resolutions: Why I’m on the Fence”

It’s important for me to take time to be thankful today…so I’m thinking about

◦ perfume that smells like comfort or home, avocado toast with egg and hot sauce (sprinkled with everything bagel seasoning), binge-watching exciting movies or tv series, selfies when I’m feeling myself, my eternal internal resilience, the smell of the ground after a storm, cookies and milk, oversized hoodies and leggings that make me feel safe,Continue reading “It’s important for me to take time to be thankful today…so I’m thinking about”

Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️

Wallowing in feelings of defeat won’t accomplish anything! Time to “change the script” as my therapist would say Affirmations: I’m okay, I got this, I have the situation under control I’m worthy and valuable regardless of my mental state People love and respect me I am smart and creative and I have good ideas IContinue reading “Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️”

Today I appreciate…

classical music, my boyfriend who’s always inherently known how to make me feel better (or what to do when feeling better isn’t in the cards for me), text message chains that last for a whole day without distracting me too much but still making me feel a lot less lonely, random acts of kindness, cloudsContinue reading “Today I appreciate…”

Today I’m grateful for…

✓ shade from trees that’s tinted orange and gold because autumn has turned the leaves burnt red and yellow, air that’s so crisp it gives you the feeling of biting into a juicy apple, boots and scarves and leather jacket outfits, old cartoons that still make me laugh, an organized bookshelf, beanie hats, that squeakyContinue reading “Today I’m grateful for…”