A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…

She woke before seven, excitement abundant, still groggy but ready to thrive. She sprang out of bed (or did something like that); it was morning and she was alive! With a handful of pills and a few sips of water, she began with a plea to stay stable. Then came washing and dressing, while countingContinue reading “A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…”

What Brings Me Down vs What Fills Me Up

I am 20 years old. I am walking around Stony Brook University, meandering through the buildings, wandering aimlessly across the expansive campus in the pouring rain. I’m drenched from my hair in its high ponytail right down to my purple plaid converse sneakers, but I keep walking. I could be in class; I should beContinue reading “What Brings Me Down vs What Fills Me Up”

How do you expel sadness? How do you chase it away? How do you take the sadness that has crept into your being and, graciously or not, show it to the exit? How do you repair the wall that sadness tore down, and how do you ready yourself for its next intrusion? How do youContinue reading

“Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” — Mufasa, The Lion King Somehow this reminds me of the fact that bravery is also internal and that emotional vulnerability is oftentimes synonymous with courage. I’m not sure why, but that’s the connection my brain made. What I mean is that we don’t always seekContinue reading

You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?

I’ve often described my moods as “precarious.” I am forever teetering on the edge. I am always as the word is defined: likely to fall or collapse, not securely held in position, dangerous. One wrong thought, one random situational annoyance, one person who treats me unkindly…and I may very well be pushed off the ledgeContinue reading “You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?”

Unified Contradictions

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” —Walt Whitman, poet The acknowledgement is certainly true; when you dive into the core of what makes me who I am, you will find more facets than an expertly cut gemstone, each one vast and expansive, so it isContinue reading “Unified Contradictions”

Normal: a conundrum

Right now, you see normal as the space in between. The beautiful space wedged between its very opposites, a space lit by its own bright-as-the-sun shine. You sometimes have to divide time into fractions over and over again to be able to label a given interval as normal, to find a period not marked withContinue reading “Normal: a conundrum”

I was MIA after a major episode about a month ago, but I’m back at it, yay!

It was as intense and as terrible as ever…but it passed and I’m still here. I used the time right after things calmed down to really think about how to better deal with it all next time (because as of right now, I’m still anxious about the very-real probably-inevitable next time).  I make myself aContinue reading “I was MIA after a major episode about a month ago, but I’m back at it, yay!”

Evolve I love words and decorating my life with them.  I have signs throughout my bedroom and living room with words like dream and smile.  I fill my planner with stickers that say things like be unique.  Even my body is marked with words that are important to me; an outward expression of who IContinue reading