Psycho Education: Things I Learned in the Psychiatric Hospital

I knew I needed to be hospitalized. I’ve known that for a while. Hell, I tried to get myself into a hospital prior to this, because I was desperate for some relief, and nothing happened. I guess it all accumulated for the past year or so, though. I went to my psychiatrist for a normalContinue reading “Psycho Education: Things I Learned in the Psychiatric Hospital”

this round: a summary

I’m hesitant to say this round is over. I won’t say that just yet. The remnants of unbearable fear are still with me, the trauma is still too recent. Like, fuck. It was (I’ll use the past tense there) like 15 or so days of just. Well, if you’ve read my shit before you knowContinue reading “this round: a summary”

Find a safe space

You’re having a panic attack, struggling to see straight, calm your racing thoughts, slow your pounding heart, and breathe. You tell yourself you’re okay. You aren’t in actual, physical danger. But something triggered your alarm system, which sent a message to your amygdala, which made all this shit happen in your body in order toContinue reading “Find a safe space”

Happy things to appreciate 💙 (updates!)

Random acts of kindness 💕 Cloud watching ☁️ Giving something my all💯 The tippytap of my dog’s paws as he comes to me when I call him 🐾❣️ Family!! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 Fairytales about princesses and castles 🏰👑 Classic Disney movies °O° 📼 Waking up without an alarm ⏰ 🌅 Selfies when I’m really feeling myself 🤳🏻Continue reading “Happy things to appreciate 💙 (updates!)”

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

My insides were rotting with fiery emptiness.  A terrifying lack of control stoked the flames along with tenacious sadness. The sadness that had simmered on my internal burner for too long, causing the contents of the pot, the emptiness that filled me, to boil over, eventually turning it into the unmatched heat of full-blown depression.Continue reading

We don’t have curtains on our windows, which is probably dumb for a few reasons, but the upside is that I get to wake up in harmony with the entire stretch of world that exists on the other side of the glass. Sometimes that means there’s a gradual lightening of everything outside that is echoedContinue reading

Happy things 💙

Random acts of kindness 💕 Cloud watching ☁️ Giving something my all💯 Stories about princesses 🏰👑 Selfies when I’m feeling myself 🤳🏻 Coffee ☕️ Meeting up with friends 👭 Getting stronger 🏋🏼‍♀️ (physically or emotionally)❗️ Proving my resilience ⬇️🆙 Beer with friends after a long week 🗓🍻 Going on a trip ✈️ Pretty bows 🎀Continue reading “Happy things 💙”

Corner of Good: Fall Edition

As much as I loveeee summer and the bright colors, the enveloping heat, and the late nights and early mornings that accompany it…I so appreciate when the season starts to merge into fall.  When the colors turn their warm shades of orange and red, when the weather gets cooler and there’s a crispness to theContinue reading “Corner of Good: Fall Edition”

My life is strongly and intensely magnetic

I am a magnet.  Of two specific poles: the highs and lows, the ups and downs.   Both are in disagreement. It is one or the other, but the one and the other are related, connected.  They oppose each other. But since magnets produce fields as well as respond to them, so do my highsContinue reading “My life is strongly and intensely magnetic”