– therapy homework –

We’re all born a relatively blank canvas. As our lives progress, we experience emotions that begin to color who we are. Now, it’s probably different for everybody; colors and what they represent to each individual can be very personal. But I was immediately colored pink with the effusive love of my family. I was coloredContinue reading “– therapy homework –”

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

It’s a bit early, bc the actual week is at the end of the month. Maybe I’ll have something to say that’s completely different than this rant by that time. But for now, while I feeling like typing this mess, here we go…For the last few years (twelve, I guess? seriously?), eating disorders awareness weekContinue reading “Eating Disorders Awareness Week”

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

Life: starts going too well, suspiciously well Brain: hey, know what would be fun? a little throwback to the raging anorexia of your youth Me: *is an idiot* Brain, in too deep for comfort all of a sudden: fuck Body: fuck Everyone around me: fuck …so the moral of the story, people, is that evenContinue reading

My insides were rotting with fiery emptiness.  A terrifying lack of control stoked the flames along with tenacious sadness. The sadness that had simmered on my internal burner for too long, causing the contents of the pot, the emptiness that filled me, to boil over, eventually turning it into the unmatched heat of full-blown depression.Continue reading

Medication-related weight gain (or putting on pounds in an unrelated whatever)

I’m tremendously uncomfortable in my body. I feel it underneath my consciousness at all times, physically and emotionally. It sucks. But I’ve been in this disconcerting situation before, and even though it’s laced with inward-pointing disgust, even though it makes my skin crawl, I know what to do (in theory at least). I’m taking discomfortContinue reading “Medication-related weight gain (or putting on pounds in an unrelated whatever)”