Monday 3.22.21

❝It comes in waves. Which is nothing new. It just feels surprising at the moment. How quickly we forget our suffering (or maybe it’s just me; I don’t mean to speak for others). Though I guess it’s good to forget the pain and anxiety and depression. The internal chaos. The (rarely understood) tortured indecision paralysis. The explosive angerContinue reading “Monday 3.22.21”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

A bad experience? Or a fun story to tell?

I went to the beach to take a picture with my orb because I’m turly enjoying being artsy with this thing. I had been itching to get out of the house, as always, and I didn’t know where to go, as always, and I was uncertain that I’d actually wind up at the beach untilContinue reading “A bad experience? Or a fun story to tell?”

medicated, still bipolar, what now

I’m having a hard time focusing. I’m anxious and stressed out over it. Feeling yucky. Off. Like somethings wrong but I can’t figure out what. The result is irritability and frustration. It’s overall just a dull version of what I’ve been feeling for the better half of my life (bipolar depression). But I have toContinue reading “medicated, still bipolar, what now”

Mental Health Awareness Month

 I took this selfie on the 1st, found a mental health sticker for it, & I wanted to post it but couldn’t think of a perfect caption for it. Because I wanted it to be about something important. Because mental health is HEALTH, not something separate but a portion of the whole piece. The conversationContinue reading “Mental Health Awareness Month”

time is an illusion, and I don’t have the time or brainpower to dissect that entire concept, but the fact is that it’s painful right now

All the time stretched out in front of me feels painful and scary, and all of it trailing behind me gives me anxiety and brings forth the remnants of terrible feelings. I know I have a good life and I know there’ve been times when I’ve enjoyed that good life. But right now I can’tContinue reading “time is an illusion, and I don’t have the time or brainpower to dissect that entire concept, but the fact is that it’s painful right now”

I wrote a list a while back about “how to know it’s coming on again” and hoooo boy does it feel accurate…but maybe I’ll think about the opposite now?

To review: How to know it’s coming on again: No matter what song I put on, it doesn’t feel right No matter where I go, it doesn’t feel homey or safe or okay So much dread The fact that I have to get through a whole day (and subsequently a whole night) feels like IContinue reading “I wrote a list a while back about “how to know it’s coming on again” and hoooo boy does it feel accurate…but maybe I’ll think about the opposite now?”

Things to do when you’re too depressed to move

Aaaaaand ladies and gentlemen, I am too depressed to move. It is taking every ounce of energy in me to type these words and upload them to this blog, but if I don’t, I’ll collapse into myself like a black hole. So, I dunno. Here’s some random list I just threw together: — Count asContinue reading “Things to do when you’re too depressed to move”

memes are my coping mechanism and I think everyone in my boat can agree

It’s literally tornado alley up in here. I had a panic attack last night after doing literally nothing. Like I had a good day, it was productive and relaxed, but by like 4 I just couldn’t push away the stabbing sensations of anxiety that had been ripping into me all day. I’d run out ofContinue reading “memes are my coping mechanism and I think everyone in my boat can agree”

retrospect: how to survive the bad days

The storm has subsided (mostly) I guess it’s like a pendulum. It goes from one extreme to the other, oscillating with all that energy being saved up and used between swings, whizzing by its equilibrium position, giving me whiplash as I try to keep up and get my head on straight. But eventually, the momentum,Continue reading “retrospect: how to survive the bad days”