summer mania, am I right?

If you know me, you’ve heard me speak about the relationship between my bipolar and cycles, because such is my life, at least it is on the bad days (and, of course, on the too-good days, the precariously-good days, the too-much, too-irritating, too-fast-but-painfully-slow-moving days). You’ve heard me speak words, either slurred with the remnants ofContinue reading “summer mania, am I right?”

I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.

That’s such a sign of internalized capitalism, thinking how much I get done is tied to my worthiness. And if you’ve been following along with my journey this week, you might recall me feeling like I’m not worthy of existing and not being in pain. Yeah, fucked up, huh. But that aside, I’m happy thatContinue reading “I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

Oh hey, RA

Story time, some info I’ve learned, and a glimpsed into the annoying gray blob that is my brain It was the start of June 2020. The summer’s refreshing, radiating warmth had already started to govern how my days went, prompting me to spend more time reading on the porch stoop, getting that Vitamin D fromContinue reading “Oh hey, RA”

in-between

I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood or not. I feel shitty. Mopey. But not depressed. The super fucking confusing to me. And upsetting. But it’s manageable. But it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it isn’t paralyzing me. Why is existing still something I have to feel guilty about? I’m confused.Continue reading “in-between”

hit the brain jackpot, that’s for sure

I was thinking, and I’ve decided that morning routines aren’t easily attainable for people with adhd (like me) who struggle with jumping from one task to another. BUT. they’re super necessary for people with bipolar disorder (like me again!) who have a messed up circadian rhythm and could benefit from structure and routine to counteract the chaos theyContinue reading “hit the brain jackpot, that’s for sure”

A bad experience? Or a fun story to tell?

I went to the beach to take a picture with my orb because I’m turly enjoying being artsy with this thing. I had been itching to get out of the house, as always, and I didn’t know where to go, as always, and I was uncertain that I’d actually wind up at the beach untilContinue reading “A bad experience? Or a fun story to tell?”

medicated, still bipolar, what now

I’m having a hard time focusing. I’m anxious and stressed out over it. Feeling yucky. Off. Like somethings wrong but I can’t figure out what. The result is irritability and frustration. It’s overall just a dull version of what I’ve been feeling for the better half of my life (bipolar depression). But I have toContinue reading “medicated, still bipolar, what now”

revisiting & reflecting

In March 2019, which feels like yesterday but also a billion years ago, I wrote about how I often found myself getting mad when unfair shit happened, or when people were just cruel (as people so often –too often—are). It was something that a therapy session made me delve deeper into, and I clearly rememberContinue reading “revisiting & reflecting”

Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️

Wallowing in feelings of defeat won’t accomplish anything! Time to “change the script” as my therapist would say Affirmations: I’m okay, I got this, I have the situation under control I’m worthy and valuable regardless of my mental state People love and respect me I am smart and creative and I have good ideas IContinue reading “Negative self-talk is not helping ‼️”