summer mania, am I right?

If you know me, you’ve heard me speak about the relationship between my bipolar and cycles, because such is my life, at least it is on the bad days (and, of course, on the too-good days, the precariously-good days, the too-much, too-irritating, too-fast-but-painfully-slow-moving days). You’ve heard me speak words, either slurred with the remnants ofContinue reading “summer mania, am I right?”

Monday 3.22.21

❝It comes in waves. Which is nothing new. It just feels surprising at the moment. How quickly we forget our suffering (or maybe it’s just me; I don’t mean to speak for others). Though I guess it’s good to forget the pain and anxiety and depression. The internal chaos. The (rarely understood) tortured indecision paralysis. The explosive angerContinue reading “Monday 3.22.21”

– therapy homework –

We’re all born a relatively blank canvas. As our lives progress, we experience emotions that begin to color who we are. Now, it’s probably different for everybody; colors and what they represent to each individual can be very personal. But I was immediately colored pink with the effusive love of my family. I was coloredContinue reading “– therapy homework –”

from the archives: spilled ink

“Some people write to feel, some people write to heal, some write to remember, some to forget, some people even write to fall in love. I write to make sense of the incomprehensible chaos that saturates every fold and crevice within my brain and permeates through every part of the world outside of it. TheContinue reading “from the archives: spilled ink”

It’s been an interesting two weeks

I’ve been feeling okay for the most part, especially having just made it past the ONE YEAR OF STABILITY mark! But I’ve been having some issues with pain, and that was disheartening. I might have overreacted, but such is my nature haha Journal from March 7: If it’s not one thing, it’s another, and IContinue reading “It’s been an interesting two weeks”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

Oh hey, RA

Story time, some info I’ve learned, and a glimpsed into the annoying gray blob that is my brain It was the start of June 2020. The summer’s refreshing, radiating warmth had already started to govern how my days went, prompting me to spend more time reading on the porch stoop, getting that Vitamin D fromContinue reading “Oh hey, RA”

It’s the end of the month so I’m doing a sort of “mood roundup”

Looking at my apps and reading through journals from the last month and looking at pictures I took. Trying to get a full idea of what my moods were like, what symptoms of what mental illnesses I had, how I dealt with it all. Reviewing goals and plans. Thinking about February. First: I use anContinue reading “It’s the end of the month so I’m doing a sort of “mood roundup””

in-between

I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood or not. I feel shitty. Mopey. But not depressed. The super fucking confusing to me. And upsetting. But it’s manageable. But it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it isn’t paralyzing me. Why is existing still something I have to feel guilty about? I’m confused.Continue reading “in-between”

hit the brain jackpot, that’s for sure

I was thinking, and I’ve decided that morning routines aren’t easily attainable for people with adhd (like me) who struggle with jumping from one task to another. BUT. they’re super necessary for people with bipolar disorder (like me again!) who have a messed up circadian rhythm and could benefit from structure and routine to counteract the chaos theyContinue reading “hit the brain jackpot, that’s for sure”