How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:

I think it’s obvious to anyone reading this that I have a natural affinity for words. Finding vocabulary that fits certain feelings I want to convey, finding phrases and linking them with other phrases that capture the essence of a particular topic, grouping sentences that are applicable to certain experiences together with one another…I fuckingContinue reading “How are names, a Harry Potter quote, exorcisms, and mental health related? Well I’m glad you asked…read on:”

Hope.

“Do you hear the people sing Lost in the valley of the night It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light For the wretched of the earth There is a flame that never dies Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise” —Finale, Les Miserables I hadn’tContinue reading “Hope.”

Still some fight in me

My car has always been a sort of limbo; I wait here, time passing. I am not patient but still content to stay here listening to classical music (some of which I remember playing, years ago) that reminds me I have a past that was full of pain and torment but also of music andContinue reading “Still some fight in me”

Memes and emotionally significant but potentially bullshit Instagram posts are (apparently) gonna get me through today… one step at a time, I guess?

I’m trying here. Still. Still trying. I’ve heard it said that “it’s okay if all you did today was survive.” Well, I’d love to be productive, but I make no promises, sadly. I don’t even know of anything I can even do that would fall under the category of productive. Whatever. I’m sitting at aContinue reading “Memes and emotionally significant but potentially bullshit Instagram posts are (apparently) gonna get me through today… one step at a time, I guess?”

A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…

She woke before seven, excitement abundant, still groggy but ready to thrive. She sprang out of bed (or did something like that); it was morning and she was alive! With a handful of pills and a few sips of water, she began with a plea to stay stable. Then came washing and dressing, while countingContinue reading “A poem about my daily life that ends far too optimistically, but whatever…”

Fix me.

I am told I don’t need to be fixed. That there’s nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with how I was unfortunately made. But I want to be fixed. I want it in the deepest depths of my soul, I want it with every single fiber of my worn-out and utterly exhausted being. My illnessContinue reading “Fix me.”

End of my rope, what now?

Here we go again. I barely had the chance to catch my breath but here we fucking go again. It came on quickly, and for no reason, and now I’m trapped in the cage that is my existence with nothing to do but pathetically wait for it to leave me alone…hopefully it eventually will. RageContinue reading “End of my rope, what now?”

“Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” — Mufasa, The Lion King Somehow this reminds me of the fact that bravery is also internal and that emotional vulnerability is oftentimes synonymous with courage. I’m not sure why, but that’s the connection my brain made. What I mean is that we don’t always seekContinue reading

You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?

I’ve often described my moods as “precarious.” I am forever teetering on the edge. I am always as the word is defined: likely to fall or collapse, not securely held in position, dangerous. One wrong thought, one random situational annoyance, one person who treats me unkindly…and I may very well be pushed off the ledgeContinue reading “You’re at the edge…do you climb back down, or jump?”

Normal: a conundrum

Right now, you see normal as the space in between. The beautiful space wedged between its very opposites, a space lit by its own bright-as-the-sun shine. You sometimes have to divide time into fractions over and over again to be able to label a given interval as normal, to find a period not marked withContinue reading “Normal: a conundrum”