One of my most vivid memories is of what happened one sunny April morning when I was sixteen.  My parents had brought me to a random doctor’s office for a random appointment, and it pissed me off because I should have been in school.  I should have been sitting in my AP chemistry class learningContinue reading

Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts

“Think about how it’s nourishing you.”   I’ve gotta cut the crap with this “falling back into my eating disorder” thing. So I’m supposed to eat at least 2 actual meals a day and while I eat, I’m supposed to think about all the good the food is doing me. Nourishing my body. Making myContinue reading “Eating Healthy (for real), in spite of eating disordered thoughts”

Life: starts going too well, suspiciously well Brain: hey, know what would be fun? a little throwback to the raging anorexia of your youth Me: *is an idiot* Brain, in too deep for comfort all of a sudden: fuck Body: fuck Everyone around me: fuck …so the moral of the story, people, is that evenContinue reading

My insides were rotting with fiery emptiness.  A terrifying lack of control stoked the flames along with tenacious sadness. The sadness that had simmered on my internal burner for too long, causing the contents of the pot, the emptiness that filled me, to boil over, eventually turning it into the unmatched heat of full-blown depression.Continue reading