So to review what I’ve learned about rheumatoid arthritis this week: There’s some shit I can do and take that will help: Drinking lots of water Collagen —good for joints – I’ve been putting the unflavored kind in my water bottles and the coconut flavored one in my coffee or yogurt Turmeric —good bc it’s anti-inflammatoryContinue reading

I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.

That’s such a sign of internalized capitalism, thinking how much I get done is tied to my worthiness. And if you’ve been following along with my journey this week, you might recall me feeling like I’m not worthy of existing and not being in pain. Yeah, fucked up, huh. But that aside, I’m happy thatContinue reading “I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

Oh hey, RA

Story time, some info I’ve learned, and a glimpsed into the annoying gray blob that is my brain It was the start of June 2020. The summer’s refreshing, radiating warmth had already started to govern how my days went, prompting me to spend more time reading on the porch stoop, getting that Vitamin D fromContinue reading “Oh hey, RA”

It’s the end of the month so I’m doing a sort of “mood roundup”

Looking at my apps and reading through journals from the last month and looking at pictures I took. Trying to get a full idea of what my moods were like, what symptoms of what mental illnesses I had, how I dealt with it all. Reviewing goals and plans. Thinking about February. First: I use anContinue reading “It’s the end of the month so I’m doing a sort of “mood roundup””

Some THOUGHTS for today 1.21.21

✨ I thought I bought the no sugar added yogurt but I didn’t. And it’s not a big deal because I’ve had it three mornings in a row and I’m still alive & all. But it annoys me. Hashtag eating disorder problems. ✨ my mom asked me to help her take my grandpa to hisContinue reading “Some THOUGHTS for today 1.21.21”

quote collecting + reflecting

i went through the drivethrough at starbucks this morning and got something more expensive than i thought. and it turned out the person in front of me paid for my order. the person behind me got something cheap, so i paid for the person behind them as well, to make it even. it was anContinue reading “quote collecting + reflecting”

I journal obsessively, whenever I can, wherever I can

I basically like, HAVE to. I have to get the words out, the thoughts out, the feelings out in a way that makes some semblance of sense. And the thing is that it’s usually always all confusing and messy, so I have to MAKE it make sense. Straight-up forging meaning out of nothing. Well, notContinue reading “I journal obsessively, whenever I can, wherever I can”


I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood or not. I feel shitty. Mopey. But not depressed. The super fucking confusing to me. And upsetting. But it’s manageable. But it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it isn’t paralyzing me. Why is existing still something I have to feel guilty about? I’m confused.Continue reading “in-between”