my brain is utter chaos lately

went from not sleeping at all to sleeping for a frighteningly long time, not surprising (hashtag bipolar life) but still fucking annoying. something is up. i’m irritable. anxious. generally just fucking off and YUCKY for lack of a better word (all the words I have now lack becuase none of the good ones wanna getContinue reading “my brain is utter chaos lately”

Monday 3.22.21

❝It comes in waves. Which is nothing new. It just feels surprising at the moment. How quickly we forget our suffering (or maybe it’s just me; I don’t mean to speak for others). Though I guess it’s good to forget the pain and anxiety and depression. The internal chaos. The (rarely understood) tortured indecision paralysis. The explosive angerContinue reading “Monday 3.22.21”

– therapy homework –

We’re all born a relatively blank canvas. As our lives progress, we experience emotions that begin to color who we are. Now, it’s probably different for everybody; colors and what they represent to each individual can be very personal. But I was immediately colored pink with the effusive love of my family. I was coloredContinue reading “– therapy homework –”

from the archives: spilled ink

“Some people write to feel, some people write to heal, some write to remember, some to forget, some people even write to fall in love. I write to make sense of the incomprehensible chaos that saturates every fold and crevice within my brain and permeates through every part of the world outside of it. TheContinue reading “from the archives: spilled ink”

It’s been an interesting two weeks

I’ve been feeling okay for the most part, especially having just made it past the ONE YEAR OF STABILITY mark! But I’ve been having some issues with pain, and that was disheartening. I might have overreacted, but such is my nature haha Journal from March 7: If it’s not one thing, it’s another, and IContinue reading “It’s been an interesting two weeks”

So to review what I’ve learned about rheumatoid arthritis this week: There’s some shit I can do and take that will help: Drinking lots of water Collagen —good for joints – I’ve been putting the unflavored kind in my water bottles and the coconut flavored one in my coffee or yogurt Turmeric —good bc it’s anti-inflammatoryContinue reading

I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.

That’s such a sign of internalized capitalism, thinking how much I get done is tied to my worthiness. And if you’ve been following along with my journey this week, you might recall me feeling like I’m not worthy of existing and not being in pain. Yeah, fucked up, huh. But that aside, I’m happy thatContinue reading “I’ve been more productive lately and I’m loving it. It makes me feel better about myself.”

Something is definitely happening

For starters, I hven’t slept in three days. I mean, an hour here and an hour there, yeah. But I’m exhausted but can’t remain asleep for longer than that. It’s infuriating. I’ve been sleeping irregularly for longer than three days, maybe like three weeks total, but it’s so bad lately. (It’s a bipolar thing) IContinue reading “Something is definitely happening”

Oh hey, RA

Story time, some info I’ve learned, and a glimpsed into the annoying gray blob that is my brain It was the start of June 2020. The summer’s refreshing, radiating warmth had already started to govern how my days went, prompting me to spend more time reading on the porch stoop, getting that Vitamin D fromContinue reading “Oh hey, RA”