Today wasn’t a bad day. It just wasn’t good. I barely slept last night and I was anxious and there was nothing to do. The elements of a good day just weren’t there.
As I sat at my kitchen table at 4:45 this morning (after I gave up trying to sleep and went ahead and made myself a cup of coffee), I was still pretty excited about the coming hours. I like mornings. They’re full of hope and promise and excitement, like, inherently. Plus, I knew it was going to snow. AKA the perfect excuse to cozy up with a mug of hot cocoa and a fun YA novel and a fuzzy blanket.
By 7:00, I was struggling to hold onto that “inherent morning hope” because it felt like I’d been up forever and I was fucking bored and annoyed and distracted/unfocused and my body hurt (whyyyy, rheumatoid arthritissss!).
I wound up napping at 10:30 or so (which didn’t fix everything but certainly helped), but at some point before that, my wandering mind landed on this idea of emotional alchemy. It’s not an actual thing that I know of. It is, however, an analogy that weirdly motivated me today.
From what I understand, alchemy is a thing that was a sort of precursor to chemistry, concerned with “transformation of matter.” Alchemists wanted to turn regular metals into gold.
I also understand it as a way make something new and better from whatever shit you actually have. I mean…right? That’s an accurate understanding?
And we’re clear on the analogy I’m trying to make? I’m trying to compare alchemy with utilizing the garbage parts of the day ahead to conjure a good mood even when there’s nothing particularly good happening. I want to create something better out of something blah.
Anyway, my mind continued to wander, asking itself a few questions to hammer out these details:
What are the components of a good mood (and by that I mean happiness)? Off the top of my head? Something to do, a sense of purpose, a way to spend time that you can enjoy. An environment you can be comfortable in (I prefer calm and not stressful, but some people enjoy busy and chaotic bc it keep them entertained). Feeling good physically. There are more, but you get the drift.
All of this is just as legit as the actual alchemy, and it doesn’t even fully make sense to me, but I think in comparisons. That’s how I process information, most times.
And I told myself I’d try to put words to a page to process this idea haha so here we are, I guess 🙂