I was totally on the path towards an π–Šπ–•π–˜π–Žπ–”π–‰π–Š but I think I somehow managed to avoid it βœ¨

First of all, I’m not in pain anymore. It might be the MEGA DOSE of vitamin D every week working for me or maybe the steroids calming down whatever inflammation was there or perhaps both. But I’m eternally thankful to not be in constant discomfort. And more than that, I’m thankful to only have one more steroid pill to take because I really looked into it, and bipolars really should avoid them. But anyway.

I dunno how I was okay with suffering for so many months not being able to bend or stretch or move or use my muscles (not sure how I went 14 years without being properly treated for my mood disorder, but I guess that explains the other thing now, doesn’t it, Lol). I talked to my therapist about that. Good times ❀

Hi enjoy this selfie from my floor purely to celebrate the fact that I can now officially get onto the floor and then get up again without sounding and looking like and FEELING like I’m my grandpa’s age (which I believe is 92) 😎 #imnotoldΒ #notthatoldΒ #notyetanyway
My rheumatologist appt had to be canceled because the nine vials of blood they took from me haven’t yielded any results yet, so I’ll have to wait a bit longer to find out what the actual issue is, but I can move and I’m fucking thankful. Like, people, you take for granted being able to shave your legs or hook up your bra when you’re able to do it. Yeah I’m thankful I can hook my fucking braΒ #gratitude

I have to wait a few more weeks to see what the actual issue is with my body (I was told it could be something autoimmune, so like, I’m eager for an answer and a plan of how to deal with it from here) but I feel patient.

I’ll tell you a THING, though, I was pretty hyped up and approaching hypomanic this weekend. Like. Whenever I start laughing like a lunatic, that’s when I know something concerning is happening. And also? This one is hard to explain, but when I relate SO MUCH to a song that I feel it in my cells?? Yeah, hypomanic. I first noticed that in 2018 when I was wildlyyyy and chaotically energetic and I had this one song on repeat and I was swimming laps like a pro swimmer even though I’m not and just, I felt every note, every lyric, every facet of it, and I felt it so deeply.

Bipolar people tend to feel EVERYTHING deeply. We feel more. We react more. That’s an actual thing. But the way that relates to music is a telltale sign for me. I’m not articulating this in a way that does it justice, but I think that’s fine. I think my peopleeeee will understand this ❀

me this weekend…showed this to my boyfriend and my cousin and they laughed lmao, and like, shit I’m so glad to have people who GET me and my brain

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