Aaaaaand ladies and gentlemen, I am too depressed to move. It is taking every ounce of energy in me to type these words and upload them to this blog, but if I don’t, I’ll collapse into myself like a black hole.
So, I dunno. Here’s some random list I just threw together:
— Count as high as you can. Count to 10938 if you have to. You have nothing else to do anyway.
— Progressive muscle relaxation or guided meditation. Gotta throw some cliche bullshit into here, don’t I? And I might as well do it right away.
— Scroll through your camera roll, because there’s gotta be stuff on there that makes you happy, otherwise why have a picture of it?
— Scroll mindlessly through social media but be careful of anything that’s gonna make you feel shittier.
— Think of a happy memory, if you can conjure one up. Bring yourself back. Try with all your might.
— Netlix/ Hulu/ Disney+ binge? Why not.
— Stare at the ceiling contemplating life’s biggest philosophical questions. Again, you have nothing else to do, and why not. Maybe you’ll come to some grand conclusions.
— Scream into your pillow because everything is meaningless and everything hurts and nothing makes sense.
— Count by 3s.
— Try to recite the alphabet backward.
— If you can’t even use your brain to form thoughts let alone do math or memory tricks or some shit, have someone turn a fan on and literally just lay there feeling the sensation of air hitting you.
— Or you know how you can still kinda see light or vague shapes when you close your eyes? focus on noticing and observing whatever the fuck that is. if nothing else, it’s a distraction.
— Download more games to your phone and actually play them. sudoku? word puzzles? racing game? logic game? math drills? vocabulary quizzes? (yes, I have apps for math drills and vocab words, and I actually quite enjoy them) how about a game specifically for kids? I have one where you just put makeup on some doll thing and it’s colorful as fuck and it’s at least something to do to occupy my mind.
— Keep breathing.
— If you can’t think positively (and if you’re depressed, as the title of this thing assumes, you can’t) just think neutrally. “I’m a person, I exist, there’s a sun out there, flowers bloom in the springtime.” I dunno. Anything’s better than dwelling on the fact that I feel like a complete and utter failure.
Maybe now that I’m done writing this I’ll actually go through the list. I was really just thinking of nonsense off the top of my head. But lists are helpful for me. I usually write out lists of things to do that include so many pointless things (which is largely because if I have 4 seconds of free time I’m assaulted by horrible thoughts), and those kinda make me feel worse, especially during moments like this. But this is a list of things even I, laying here comatose in my bed, am capable of doing.
Ugh, when will this be overrrrr.