I can survive you. If there’s one thing I keep telling myself, it’s that I can and will survive you. There’s no doubt in my mind (I’ve forced myself to believe that). Based on recent data, getting through day to day, minute to minute, is difficult (to say the least). But I’m here. I’m bruised and battered. But I’m here. I skipped out on a few responsibilities. But I’m here. There’s some measure of fear filling my gut when I think of you. But I’m here, and I’ll still be here when you arrive. My bruises will heal, my tasks will get done, the fear will subside eventually. It might take a lot. I’m sure I’ll have to renew my motivation constantly. I’ll have to summon the will to put one foot in front of the other repeatedly. But I can and will survive you, no matter what you throw at me and no matter how it makes me feel. Living in survival mode may suck more than can be described, with its urgency, its intensity, with the continual chase it makes me a part of. But damn if it isn’t good content for the how-to guide I’m gonna write.
So when the sun rises in the morning and brings you into fruition, I will rise alongside you and bring with it my eternal resilience. I will look at you with fascinated curiosity as I conquer each minute, doing what I can with what I have, persevering in spite of the negative emotions you try to hurl at me. It’s survival, bitch.
I’ll write again tomorrow.