Good morning, internet!
I slept late today (which for me is until like 7:30) and woke up to snow. It’s a gray day, which makes the snow seem far less pretty and exciting. I mean, I don’t loveeee snow to begin with; I hate being cold, I have no tolerance for it. But when it starts at night and then the next morning everyone wakes up to the sun shining brightly, reflecting off that glittery white snow that no one’s walked or driven in? So it’s still fresh and peaceful? Yeah, I like that.
But like I said, it’s gray and gross today. So I’m gonna stay here, sitting at my desk, where I am surrounded by colored pens and markers and notebooks and stickers that all make me happy, and I’m gonna write write write. I have coffee, so I’m happy. It’s like a “make your own sunshine” type thing, I guess? Gotta find the good parts of a day, every day. Coffee definitely helps me do that. But I don’t wanna go on and on about my love for my favorite caffeinated beverage just yet (I can and will do that later).
I have a lot of work to do with this blog of mine. I want this to be a place where I share my writing and my story and the lessons I’ve learned or am still learning. I wanna do what I think it is I do best: put words to my intense and often-incomprehensible internal state. Which I do so that I make sense of it. I think I have the ability to describe the chaos in a way that’s graspable to everyone, whether they’re struggling or not. Maybe I can give those struggling something to identify with so they can make sense of the bullshit along with me. And words are power in those situations, I know this for a fact. When I was a teenager, this little anorexic mess of a human, I did things I was compelled to do and I didn’t have the language to describe it or understand it or make sense of it. Having the words necessary to talk about a mental health issue is crucial to a person’s ability to survive that issue.
Right, so I can do a lot by writing about what’s in my bag of crazy. Maybe I can help some people. Maybe I can shed a certain light on mental health stuff, help educate people who wouldn’t otherwise know or care about it all. I know I can definitely have a ton of fun with this blog. Because writing (perhaps for an audience?) is my favorite fucking thing.
Sidenote, real quick: I used the word “crazy” up there, and I think I’m gonna use that word quite a few times throughout this blogging adventure, and I want to clarify why I use it so as to not offend anyone. I use it because I claim it as my own. It’s how I identify personally, and I don’t use it to describe myself with any negative connotation. I like the word. Don’t know why, not fully at least. I used to call myself things intentionally so others wouldn’t have fun calling me those same things…so maybe my use of the word comes from that? I just don’t want other people to be like, “oh she things people with Bipolar are crazy,” because some other people may not particularly like that word. Okay, good, moving on.
I’m gonna post a bunch of things today. Some essay-type things and some things I’ve posted elsewhere on other social media and some things I generally like. I kind of want to catch this blog up to where I am in my “journey” or whatever you wanna call it. I think it’s important. It’s important to me, at least, to have this be a place that knows how I got to where I am right now.
‘Cause I have a lot more places I wanna go after here. But I think I have work to do still before I’m gonna be able to get too much farther.
Okay, ready for an onslaught of posts? Annnndddd, here we go…